Week Two
Day 8: Tuesday
Seabeck, WashingtonDay 9:
SeabeckDay 10:
SeabeckDay 11: Friday
SeabeckOctober 28, 2000
Well you have heard my Nader plea. And I am finally putting this up on line. I donít have much else to say. The trip from dinosaur land was uneventful except that is was again tiring. Meeting my group in Seattle was challenging. We were running late, but not as late as everyone else. And despite us being tired, the plan for the afternoon was to wander around Seattle. There has never been a more tiring activity than wandering aimlessly around a city. But we went to one of my favorite places, the water tower at Pioneer park, which has a view equal to the one from the space needle only free. We saw the Mountain (Ranier), which isn;t always possible in this rainy place. I have noticed that Seattleites make more fun of their rain that anyone else does. I would think that they would get tired of it. In fact Joy, my ride to Ground Zero, said to me as we drove. I love these silver days. I asked her if I has heard her right. It was such a joy to hear her appreciate the day. I guess it is that people in Seattle know what they have and donít want to share it. They are in no danger from me.
Allison is off with friends in Seattle while I endure my conference. She arrived in Seattle only to find that one of her friends had left the day before to find work in California, and that was despite her plans to host Allison. I trust she is finding enough to do.
Donít get me wrong about the conference. I love the people, and the cause and the work, and the workshops. But the whole ides of a conference is stressful to me. At dinner Ellen asked what I thought about the director pacing during dinner. I figure he was helping the dinner servers try to see requests for service. He brought us more salad, after all. I say, ěIt is the whole class division of server and served that gets to me.î It is that we live artificially high for a few days when less would do. In fact less, would enhance the experience for me. I want beans and rice and cots, and wood buildings. We have clean sheets, and salmon, and hotel rooms. It is expensive and wasteful. The food is too much. I am the worst conference goer there ever was. I hate whatever anyone does to make me feel welcome.
The best part of this conference has been the trip to Ground Zero. I have had my consciousness raised. I am glad to have been informed.
However, it only adds to my stress. I have been feeling out of time, and place and out of sorts. I have decided not not to serve the board of the conference any longer, and after quitting at Unirondack, this board was my only plan for 2001. I have no future. It is a place, a mental place, that I did not think that I would ever be in again. I donít do well with floating aimlessly. I should at least be home where my fish and my plants would ground me. Out here on the road, I feel the creeping existential blues, if you will allow me to use such a cliche. And add to that my new info that the world will surely be nuked, and not long from now. It makes for a bad mood all in all.
I know what I need to do. I need to make some plans and then I will feel better. I suppose the last time I did this was this time last year. I was feeling so out of sorts, I dropped a list of plans to run away with Kurtiss and walk aimlessly, only to change my mind again and rush to remake plans. This year, will I make plans only to change them. Oy.
I said to Allison the other day that I need to start to list my ideas so that I can start to evaluate them.
work odd jobs in Number Four
work electrical odd jobs in Number Four
work other odd jobs including syrup jobs in Number Four
find a writing program
work ADK trail crew
intern at some peace or alternative energy center
study forestry or some other thing
take up some UU on their offer to work, Murray Grove or UUSC
pay myself to work on my houseSo now I evaluate. Bullshit! So now I float for awhile. But at least the list is there
Day 12
SeabeckDay 13 Sunday
SeattleDay 14 Monday
Portland
Day 15 Tuesday
Portland